Wednesday, December 22, 2010

The first thing i lost

The first thing I lost, was the notion of time.
When you have your eyes closed, that happens faster. You stop sensing the outside and you start feeling inside. I was going into a dark and warm place were minutes, seconds and hours mean nothing. It was just calm. And it could last a minute or a life time. It didn’t matter. It felt good.

At the start the feeling was like falling backwards. To somewhere you don’t know. That you can’t see. You know that trust game where you fall backwards and the other one is expected to catch you before you fall? Now imagine playing that game without caring if the other person is going to catch you. Because, you trust that there is nothing there for you to hit against…

The second thing I lost, was the notion of space.
I guess that happens, when you lose track of time. When you don’t know how long it has been, it doesn’t mater where it has been. It was dark. Long. Wide. Warm. Cosy. And tight. Close. Small. Good. All at once. I was no longer sitting inside a car. Facing you. Facing me. With our eyes closed. Holding each other in a frozen hug. We were somewhere else.
Somewhere inside us. And I say “us” because I wasn’t alone. I didn’t feel like I was. I was roaming happily and curiously inside my self, but I wasn’t alone. I knew the place but I was seeing it being taken by the hand of someone new. Someone that wanted to show me the same exact depth of me I had known for years but with a new pair of eyes. And hands. And feelings.

Outside I felt you centimetres away from me. I felt your skin. But it didn’t matter. That wasn’t us there. That was them, our “faces” and “body’s” sleeping in a good and strange way. Waiting for “us” to come back.

This all started without me knowing about it. It just happened. And if I was expecting to see images, I was wrong. If was expecting to hear sound, I was stupid. I didn’t. I wasn’t there to do any of that. I was there to know that everything was there. To feel everything in place. Secure. Like I was a big closet of moments, and you just took me there to know that everything was where it should be. That took a load of my shoulder’s. One I didn’t know I had.

…and after a while of falling backwards, i start enjoying it. It was like a drug, At first you’re self conscience about what it is doing to you, but after a while you just don’t think about it. It feels free. Gravity started as something real. Now it was a memory. I had my arms dangling beside me. I was looking up. But I was just there. Not falling anymore. Floating.

And then…
We slowly opened our eyes. The light hurt. It felt like waking up. We could have been there for what had been hours. We didn’t know. And actually, we didn’t care. When we opened our eyes, something had been born. Something was different. Like I had always seen black and white, and now you were seeing green, and red and blue. Like I had always heard static and now there were waves crushing, and cars starting, and people laughing, and pop corn popping. I had no idea were I had been. What I had visited. I looked at you. And you knew. The tiny ichy little smile on the corner of your mouth told me that you knew. I liked that. I didn’t ask.
I felt good.

Because it was inside that familiar and warm place that i call “me”;
It was during that weird and unknown time that I couldn’t grasp;
It was exactly there and then, that I fell in love with you.


Anonymous said...


Gui said...

Às vezes é preciso falar a sério. ;)